23 02 2010

we ran 8:08 tonight for almost 6 miles. i am so pleased you ought to slap me. a year ago, when joy was here, i had trouble with 9:00. maybe 7:00 is in the realm of possibility..?

i’m tired today. last night, reading the lovely bones, i cried. idk why, the book kind of sucks. there’s a section though, where the wife comes back to the husband after 8 years, and the tears, they were a-flowing. it might be the first time i’ve cried since i learned my marriage wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. what i kept thinking was, “how could you do this (to me)?” and of course, the, “i thought you loved me.”

maybe i’ve been masking the sadness with anger and disinterest. idfk. but today, i feel a little sad. talked with a running friend tonight about her mother. first time we’d chatted much about beyond running and simple life stuff. we talked about self-confidence and moms (why does it always come back to moms?). she is the last person i’d expect to deal with any self-doubt issues (the “why did i say that?”  “did i say too much?” questions), as beautiful and confident as she is. but maybe we all have self-doubt. idk. but i do feel stronger now than i did in october.

could be the triangle abbey dubbel.

red beans and rice

21 02 2010

funke invited me to her friends’ annual post-mardi gras party and parade. i didn’t know anything about duke park neighborhood in durham. what a vibrant hood. last year’s parade:

makes me want to throw a party with good food and good friends all around. we ate red beans and rice (“once, twice or even thrice. beans and rice is nice.” isn’t that schoolhouse rock?), gumbo, creamed spinach, shrimp ettouffee and so on. and then we made beignets at chris and frank’s house..chris and frank who legalized chickens in durham and grow oranges in their living room. lots of interesting people, including michael and fuzhia (sp?) who moved here from morocco after teaching english around the world. my favorite quotable, from maria: “i’ve learned being a good friend is something to be proud of.”

judi’s flowers are blooming in the kitchen. off to buy a kneeling chair from craigslist…

foot in mouth

18 02 2010

oh god, i could die. why am i always sticking my foot in my mouth?

tonight i was fb’ing with a friend of a new friend who lives in korea about job opportunities there and the expat community, which he says is vital. i said something to the extent of, ‘oh goodie, because i was afraid it was going to be all under-30s and skeevy westerners looking to hook up with korean women.’ did he not just message that his girlfriend lived in incheon (and doi, could very well be korean)? well, he was offline directly following my asinine comment. wth is wrong with me sometimes? this separation seminar and learning to be honest about what i think, well maybe i overshot.

the other night at the crazy heart showing, i sat next to a nice guy in a wheelchair. we talked briefly before the show. i told him afterward i was going to scoot out before everyone else in the group went to the pub. he said, ‘me too.’ i said, ‘oh good, i’ll walk out with you.’

ignorant, ignorant, ignorant