The manly laundry list 3.0

3 03 2013

The list is getting longer, as I’m getting older. Not a good trend.

  1. empathetic
  2. kind
  3. considerate – e.g., waits for others to order their meal; asks if I need anything
  4. smart
  5. funny, witty
  6. curious
  7. grateful
  8. honest and open – shares without being asked
  9. excellent communicator
  10. feminist – loves women for their uniqueness and individuality, not their collective necessity; doesn’t generalize about women or people; grew up with women
  11. generous – with time, money and spirit
  12. manly – he has strong values and convictions; doesn’t believe values are subjective; his friends are like-minded
  13. non-materialistic – experiences > things, but buys things when things are needed
  14. secure – doesn’t have to prove his worth in conversations with others; can make choices without needing others’ approval
  15. active – likes to do things on holiday
  16. self-motivated – doesn’t wait for others to plan activities
  17. in the moment – can plan but doesn’t have to
  18. physically active – likes to run
  19. self-aware – knows himself and his feelings
  20. non-narcissistic – doesn’t have to put others or their views find to justify himself
  21. loves children
  22. cosmopolitan – reads the news ; considers our place in the world
  23. physically attractive – physically fit and a twinkle in the eye
  24. frugal but willing to spend money on experiences and others
  25. complimentary
  26. loyal
  27. great conversationalist – talks and asks questions
  28. clean – cleans himself and his home well
  29. spontaneous or at least flexible and open to risk – plastic chair restaurants > expat experiences
  30. observant – still capable of childlike wonder over the small details of life and people




38 first dates

19 02 2013

i miss steve.
as darrell says, the end.

i took a friend’s advice and put up an online dating profile for two weeks then took it down. this led to a United Nations of first dates. i went out with a belgian, a german, a hungarian, a canadian, a brit, an american and finally, a kiwi.

the belgian was a carefree, traveling landscape artist. good conversation but 63kg. i learned from him voting is compulsory in belgium.

the german engineer had a baritone, monotone voice, and i think, lied about his age.

true to stereotype, the brit had bad teeth and was appalled by my being divorced, though he said his dad cheated on his mum for years.

the hungarian was fun to hike with but self-admittedly selfish. i imagine he will match well with someone much younger.

the canadian has been in korea for some time and now has a disdain for dating korean women. this i find distasteful, when western men make generalizations about asian women.

the american was handsome but no magic.

the new zealander is fun. i like him. he’s and the most like-minded in terms of politics and values, but i fear a narcissist. i know from experience i will never be enough for someone very insecure and self-centered.

the kiwi makes me think of both tula and steve. tula also followed or interrupted other people’s stories to share his own experiences, so great was his need to be accepted. steve, well, i think of steve all the time, but especially when the kiwi reaches for food first or orders before me or says something critical about a person. it may be that the kiwi is a narcissist. or it may be that i have little tolerance because i have little room in my heart.