favorite feline

5 12 2010

Just wrapped libel and privacy policy assignments. I’m going to get a P in this class for sure. Alas. I have learned a ton this semester. Brain powers, activate! I want to run away to some tropical, underdeveloped country, eat street food and take college classes for the rest of my life. Who’s with me?

Had a quality evening with Steve last night, walking through the snow to drink boucaniers and brugse zot. I hope post-Christmas house closing doesn’t kibosh post-Christmas travel plans. We have to do a lot to close the house on the 28th.

Post Walking Dead, I visited Tula today to divvy furniture and determine the fate of chickens and cats. Sad. Dexter didn’t skip a beat. Idk if he was happy to see me or he’s happy to get a head rub from anybody. Now I’m one of those pathetic old ladies talking about her cats. Meh.

I’m going to miss Dexter or DeeDee. I’m having trouble picking.
I will miss greeting fluffy chickens every morning, feeding them raisins and having them run down the yard to see me.
I will miss that beautiful, cozy house where I planned to have a family.

Call the wambulance, as Tanja would say. Whah, whah, whah.

“Do you want to keep this table?”
“What do you want to do with that desk?”.
After 12 years together, these are the conversations we have. Unreal.

Ginger says doubt is part of the grieving process. I have felt some:
“Did I do everything I could have done?”
“Am I making the wrong decision?”
There’s that fear of making the wrong decision again.

Crap. Well, here are some things I am grateful for:

  • Eddie, my wonder-ful brother
  • Steve who treats me so well
  • Mom calling to say she hurt for me and apologizing
  • Dad caring but not asking
  • having a warm place to live
  • having a great job
  • Ginger who reminds me it’ll work itself out
  • tonight’s cabbage and chorizo

Going to get the bike from Fullsteam.

the suburbs

7 09 2010

been listening to the burbs non-stop for the past week. today all of a sudden, s’too sad. feels hollow. not ideal for packing. where is that ramones disc..?

from my friend jonathan

9 07 2010

I send you in this email a suit of “virtual emotional armor.” You will gird yourself with this emotional armor and thus protected will conduct yourself courageously as you take the necessary steps required to forge a new life. You will emerge on the other side of this trial safe, sound and very self-assured.

you’ve ruined every song

17 06 2010

(from my friend fulghum)

I used to listen to the radio
And sometimes I’d sing along
I thought the lyrics were just words
That helped the music move along
But ever since you left me
Ever since you did me wrong
I can’t listen anymore
You’ve ruined every song

Now every song is wrecked for me
Now every song sounds sad
They sing of love and tragedy
Just like the one we had
I can’t take much more of this
How long can it go on?
I can’t listen anymore
You’ve ruined every song

You’ve ruined single every song
That I have ever heard
I used to sing along
But now I understand the words

Led Zep, the Stones and Fleetwood Mac
I’d play them all the time
The Beatles, Elvis and the rest
Now just leave me crying
Everything was fine until
You left me in disgrace
I thought music was sublime until
It left tears on my face